Forsyth Needs

In an attempt to do more blogging until several massive projects come to fruition or Wayne returns from Italy (whichever comes first), I decided to steal another meme from Emily and Courtney. Because Forsyth is an unusual name, reserved usually for last names of Scottish botanists and bestselling authors or for towns and counties in the U.S, I decided to "google" "Forsyth needs," and post the results (with commentary, of course). In the cases where the pronoun "he" or "his" or "him" was used, I changed it to reflect my gender. So, here goes.

1. Forsyth needs to have a unified vision.
Look, I don't wear contacts in both eyes because I like being able to use the uncorrected right eye to read things up close without reading glasses. My doctor says he admires this approach and is thinking of having laser surgery on just one of his eyes for the same reason. Why would I throw away the one thing that I do that impresses my doctor?

If you think this might refer to my finally deciding whether I'm an editor or a writer, I can tell you that I'm not unifiying that vision, either. Nor am I going to settle for just one job. That's so boring; I prefer living life like the Jamaicans in the now-famous In Living Color skit and holding down at least 3 jobs at once. So, I'll leave the unified vision to other Americans, mon.

2. Forsyth needs to be completed in November.
Wow, that doesn't give me much time. I thought I didn't have to be complete for a few more years at least. Well, I guess I'll just have to step up the process by trying to do all the things I think I need to be complete starting now and giving up anything that might be distracting me from this process. If I suddenly stop blogging around November, you'll know that a complete person doesn't need a blog. Although, given my tendency to blog sporadically, you might want to wait until January before coming to that conclusion.

3. Forsyth needs an experienced administrator.
Well, as much as my unpaid office assistants might disagree, I think I do need an experienced administrator to: a) manage my teenaged daughter and her friends, b) remind me to pay my bills by the date they're due, c) keep track of my appointments, d) find a cook and housekeeper that will work for free, e) call all the people I keep meaning to call but am too tired at the end of the day to dial, f) keep track of all my ideas for my blog that vanish moments after I have them, g) make sure my bike and car are tuned and ready for riding whenever I want, h) suffer hangovers for me because it seems I get a hangover if I only say, "I'd like a margarita," i) eat sweets, chocolate, and junk food for me, and j) make sure my library books get back to the library before they're a year overdue or identified as a "lost book." This would then allow me to do only the things I truly love which include reading one book or more a day; shopping and hanging out with both daughters; spending time at Wayne's house; traveling to Peru, Italy, Spain, Hawaii, and New Orleans; riding my bike; having a margarita or two without paying for it the next day; working on all my writing projects (paid and unpaid); chatting with my friends online; and watching every kind of crime show, house flipping show, and dancing show offered on TV.

4. Forsyth needs to a) get an editor; b) begin to care about readers again; c) rediscover a sense of pride in her craft.
Slap in the face! All this time, I've thought that because I am an editor I don't need an editor, but after looking at all the typos in my blog entries, I can see that this part is true. I also didn't realize that I'd stopped caring about my readers or that I'd lost a sense of pride in my craft; caring about my readers is exactly why I wait so long between blog entries: I want them to read quality posts. Case in point: my ten things you don't know about me post has not interested anyone but Emily and she pointed out that she knew most of the ten things. I knew I should have waited 6 weeks before posting after the modern fiction one. Maybe I have lost my sense of pride in my craft.

5. Forsyth needs better cooperation.
Yes, this is true. I need better cooperation from technical reviewers that should check the code in the material I send them rather than editing my edits with changes that violate every style and grammar rule known to man. I need better cooperation from the people who developed Photoshop CS because it is the only software that I haven't been able to teach myself and that makes me furious. I need better cooperation from my teenagers in the matter of making sure that the health department doesn't come over and shut my house down. I need better cooperation from my house, which should know that I can't afford to paint the exterior or have the first floor re-wired at this time in my life and pocket book--I have a kid in college, for heaven's sake. I need better cooperation from nano-technologists because I want to be able to teleport myself to foreign lands and distant cities and they haven't done enough to help me in that respect.

6. Forsyth needs to stand up and defend Alberta’s five-point childcare agreement.
Wow, apparently I'm the one person that can help a Canadian province keep a childcare agreement alive. Ah, the heavy burden of responsibility I must bear.

7. Forsyth needs to hire an elections director.
This is a no-brainer. To defend Alberta's five-point childcare agreement, I will have to run for office. Is anyone out there interested?

8. Forsyth needs computers and software.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that the last thing anyone who has two laptops and two desktop computers in her house needs is more computers and software. Well, you're wrong. One of my laptops is missing the "R" key. On the other laptop, most of the letters printed on the keys have worn off. As a result, last year, when customs officials in Peru saw that computer, instead of charging me a duty of 20% of the computer's value, they just laughed. My other desktop is four years old and protests when I try to run Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver at the same time while playing iTunes. None of these computers has a dual-core processer, which I'm dying to have, nor do they have the latest editions of Office 2007 or Adobe Creative Suite, all of which cost too much. So, if someone wants to contribute to my savings account to remedy these dire situations, I'd be happy to accept donations.

9. Forsyth needs no introduction.
How could I disagree with a statement that is so patently true?